I had somehow gotten to the age of 22 without making enemies. I was the wholesome, fun, pleasant, never critical, girl-next-door type. In fact, I worked hard at being agreeable, and was under the illusion that everyone liked me. That was extremely important to me. I had grown up absorbing the message that what others thought of me was of utmost importance. The phrase, “Your reputation takes a lifetime to build, but only a moment to destroy,” added more weight to the task of being a consummate people-pleaser.

Then I met him! He seemed to like me at first, but as I spent more time around him, his curt remarks and scowls led me to believe I was not one of his favorite people and, in fact, he didn’t like me much at all! He eventually became a significant person in my circle of influence, and whenever I was around him, I felt like I was walking on eggshells. Try as I might, I was never able to decipher exactly what it was about me he didn’t like, but it made me feel like a failure. Being a conflict-avoider, I always put on a happy face even though, inside, I was dying of misery. My self-image was so totally dependent on what other people thought of me that I was crumbling from the inside out. After years of trying, I was still confused as to how I could get him to like me.

I’m not sure if it was an evolutionary process or if it happened all of a sudden, but one day I realized that who I was did not depend on what he thought of me; that if he didn’t like me, that wasn’t my concern. A sense of wellbeing flowed through me. No longer at the mercy of his opinion, good or bad, I could be, unapologetically, me. I had broken through my imaginary prison and I was free! Almost as if he could sense my transformation, he started to treat me with more tolerance and respect.

The significance of this breakthrough was that I found acceptance within myself and no longer looked for it from others. I discovered that, as long as I am true to myself, I need not depend on the good opinion of others for acceptance. Thus, another piece of my authenticity puzzle snapped into place.

It’s interesting that when I used to hear of Angels, I often had more ethereal visions of what they actually would be. What I’ve come to realize is that they show up in all shapes, sizes and situations. Most often, they are unexpected and even unwelcomed but, always, they leave you in a better state than they found you, if you are open to learning from them. As unpleasant an experience as it was at the time, I have to wonder if I would still be in my self-made, people-pleasing prison, locked away from my authentic self, had I not had to emotionally wrestle with this man whom I now call my Angel.

~Zanne

InSearchOfAuthenticity.com

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