Given the choice, most of us would probably choose to have people think well of us; that’s pretty normal.  But for me, the problem started when the need for the good opinion of others became a top priority.  It had always been such a part of my life that I was unaware of its grip on me.  Unfortunately, it picked up steam with every passing year.  I only became aware of it because of a work related experience.

As part of a sales organization, I was recognized over and over as the top seller of the month .  Early on, I enjoyed the challenge and success I was experiencing.  One day, however, I became aware that I was compelled to keep that top position.  I was no longer performing to reach my goal.  Somewhere along the way, without being aware of it, maintaining the position had become the goal and it was running me, rather than the other way around.

Holding that title was no longer optional for me.  I was at its mercy; I had to have it!  How did I know I was at its mercy?  Not only was selling no longer fun, I had the burdensome feeling that I was only as good as my latest sales totals; if I wasn’t the best, I was insignificant.

These “thought” revelations usually start out as deep sadness in the pit of my stomach.  That’s when I realize something isn’t right.  It’s also when I grab my journal and try to unravel my feelings on paper in an effort to get to their root cause.  I want to know what they’re pointing to.  With patience and persistence, I am usually rewarded, if not with the answer, at least with the direction in which to go where it will ultimately be revealed it to me. Awareness is the first stepping-stone.

So when I became conscious of this thinking, I wanted to cut the chains that bound me. I discovered that I had traded in my self-worth for a flimsy title that did not define me but rather, served as my taskmaster, snuffing all the joy out of my work.

Applying this new realization to other areas of my life, I discovered that I was so much more than all the titles and labels I had accumulated thus far. That’s when I took ownership of my life. I started exploring my own thoughts and feelings, giving them more weight than my perception of others’ opinions of me.  I say “perception” because we can never know for sure what others think of us, unless, of course, they tell us.  I realized that as long as I took direction from my heart, what other people thought of me mattered only to them.  I didn’t need to waste precious time and energy making it my issue.

After spending a good part of my life looking over my shoulder, caring too much if I was “good enough,” making the transition to being “self-directed” took time and diligence.  The more I took the time to consult the still, small voice within, the more my core strength grew.   With self-knowledge, came the ability to access my authentic light and let it be my guide.  Once I truly “came home,” there was no going back.  Now I strive to listen to the inner whispers of my soul and to live authentically with no need to check over my shoulder.

~Zanne

InSearchOfAuthenticity.com

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