Recently, I was triggered by an email that felt like it carried an accusatory tone…mainly, that I had not responded quickly enough to the sender’s previous request.  While I usually respond within 24-48 hours, a busy weekend with company overshadowed the thought of checking my email. (This admission alone hints at the approximate age bracket I fall in. 😜)  

I was ‘regrouping’ on Monday and it was evening before I got around to checking it.  That’s when I discovered Friday’s email along with a second one sent Monday morning, requesting an answer from me.  After answering the email, a response came back with an admonishment for not having responded sooner.  Feeling a bit defensive, I started to craft a response that explained why I hadn’t.  That’s when it occurred to me that I did not need to explain myself.  “I am a volunteer coordinator for this event that is still a month off,” I reasoned, “and I have answered her question.”  So, instead, I merely emailed that I would see her at the upcoming event.  

It’s becoming increasingly clear to me that situations like this are merely triggers of pain points that I have not resolved in myself.  It doesn’t matter what age I am, there will always be more unresolved ones that present themselves.  It seems there is always another hiding behind the current one obscuring itself from my view until I deal with the one in front of me.  In this instance, I was triggered by a negative feeling arising from being accused of not doing my job and being irresponsible.

I also realize that, albeit unknowingly, I can, and probably do trigger other people’s pain points too.  Is it possible that the email sender was triggered when the answer to her question didn’t come as quickly as she felt she deserved, leaving her feeling ignored?  Could she have taken this as a slight, therefore responding to me as she did?  Entirely possible, as I reflect on it.  And in turn, I was triggered by her chiding.  I wonder if this isn’t the way ill feelings between parties begin…?  Becoming aware enough of what’s going on and putting a stop to it, however, requires the presence of mind in the midst of being emotionally stepped on…not always easy when emotions begin to percolate.  A friend of mine calls this ‘not rising to the bait.’  I love that concept!  

Situations like this bring to mind the early morning walk where I inadvertently step in doggy-do.  The sooner I’m aware of it and can drag my footwear in the grass to remove the remains, the better off I am.  Otherwise, I drag it around with me wondering where the stench is coming from.  If fragrance remains on the hand of the giver, then the opposite must also be true.  As much as possible, I intend on enjoying and passing on only pleasant fragrances…

~SuZanne
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