One day left till the New Year.  Where did this one go?  What about the ones before that?  What can I do differently in the upcoming months to move forward with purpose?

When I look back through my many journals over the years, there’s a recurring theme; “How can I better control the use of my time?”  Time feels like beach sand slipping through my fingers.

I often manage to get to-do items out of my head by putting them on a list.  All too often, I either lose the darn thing or I feel paralyzed just looking at it!  It’s so difficult to choose which to do first.  As I review the list, all the items clamor to be done right away!  Unless one has actually reached a ‘state of emergency’ and really does need to be done immediately, deliberating over which to do first, second, third…seems like such a waste of time that I just jump in and get started on whichever item grabs my attention first.

Is this nature or nurture?  Do I operate this way because that was what was modeled for me or is it hard wiring that causes me to live life by the “seat-of-my-pants?” On any given day I’m apt to say, “Darn!  If I had only thought of it ahead of time…”

What needs to be done becomes crystal clear to me… at the last minute!  Why is that?!  It’s not like I didn’t have a 364-day lead time to Christmas, so why is it I find myself running around at the last minute?  -OR-  I’ve known for 3 months I was going on vacation.  Why am I still up at 1 a.m. finishing up my packing, foregoing a decent night’s sleep?

Years ago I joked with my mother-in-law that long-range planning for me is knowing, when my feet hit the floor in the morning, what I will be doing on that day.  I also told my husband that, in my mind, “every day is a new day – kind of like a blank slate just waiting to be written on!”  While at first, such spontaneity can seem like a refreshing approach to life, this mindset can also take you around in circles.  And that’s where I often go, around in circles. Don’t get me wrong, I have accomplished things I’m proud of, but not nearly what I believe I’m capable of.

I realize that everyone is wired differently and that does help me be a bit gentler with myself.  However, it does nothing to alleviate the sting that time is marching on and that if I want to contribute something else of significance, I best get about the business of doing so.

That’s where the New Year comes in!  A fresh new start… that clean slate again!  What do I want to focus on this coming year?  As I take the time to ponder, I sense that my heart does give me directional clues that I’ve often been too preoccupied to pay attention to. So this time, I intentionally pause and turn inward to listen. It’s from this quiet space that my soul takes flight at the thought of writing and sharing the insights gleaned from struggles, successes, and failures.  It’s from this place of openhearted reflection that I connect to the Source of Life, my Source of Authenticity.

So as one year is mostly spent and a fresh, new one is waiting to take its place, I am poised with eagerness, exhilaration and wonder, along with a healthy dose of trepidation as I march forward in my life adventure of heart-felt writing and sharing.

Happy New Year!!

~Zanne

InSearchOfAuthenticity.com

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