I am finally opening ‘the box’ I’ve intentionally overlooked for several years now. When we moved, over eight years ago, I located stashes of personal journals and collected them all in one box. There were fourteen of them. When I mentioned how many I had found, friends assumed I would re-read them and surmised how interesting reading it would be. I really wasn’t particularly drawn to read any of them. Honestly, I was convinced I would be bored; like re-reading a map of territory you had already travelled.
What I had overlooked was that it could be confirmation of a journey undertaken and well-travelled.
Reviewing my first journal dating back almost 40 years, I’m struck by something I wrote, “Sometimes I feel like a caterpillar in a cocoon waiting…just waiting to blossom into a beautiful butterfly. Other times I feel like a prisoner trapped by my own shortcomings and insecurities.”
As I read other entries, it transports me back to a time when I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin; when I had more questions about myself than I had answers. I realized how hard I was on myself, too often falling short of my own expectations.
“Why can’t I just be satisfied with being myself?” I pondered all those years ago, “Why do I depend on others’ opinion of me to formulate my own?” Then, I went on to give myself advice of what was a worthy pursuit: “First, I must know myself. Secondly, I must accept myself, and thirdly, I must develop the courage to be myself.”
Having believed from the beginning, that I would never reach my full potential unless I knew my own mind, heart and what made me ‘tick,’ I didn’t realize back then, that I had set forth part of my life’s mission. As I look back, I see that this has been a constant for me; self-examination, reflection and pursuit of understanding of myself, and others. What a remarkable journey it has been!
~Zanne
InSearchOfAuthenticity.com
© 2017 Zanne
In Search of Authenticity 
On our own personal journeys, I’m convinced we are all changing and evolving in many ways. I, too, recently went through a “box” of my own after it had been in the attic for over 30 years. I was surprised to learn things that were important to me then no longer held the same significance. A box of baby clothes labelled “Hold onto…do not ever give away” once held so many memories of my babies’ infancy that I felt were too important to ever part with. Yet now, they are yellowed, bearing stains and fragile, stretched elastic. I felt ready to move on. Memories from their childhood days and adult transformations now take the place in the limited space of my cranium. No box needed.
Without looking back, I waved goodbye and packed it in my car for a trip to the Goodwill container.
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Your words are poignant and a reminder of how important it is to quiet ourselves and take time for introspection and reflection. That is a hard road in itself. Thank you for the clarity you share with us on your own travels. XOXO
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