I recently attended my niece’s wedding in France. What a beautiful gift I brought home with me. Since flying on an economy-flight only allowed for a personal bag that fit in the compartment under the seat, it was a very good thing that the gift I brought home was neatly tucked inside my heart.

How many times over the years have I welcomed family for a week-long visit with a burdened heart, a sense of blessing mixed with dread?! Don’t get me wrong. I love having family come. Being overly accommodating, though, has too often tipped the scales to the side of “burden” rather than “blessing.”

The internal struggle has long troubled my spirit. I want to be carefree and enjoy their visits, but I am constantly on-the-go, cleaning, planning, (trust me when I tell you that is not one of my gifts) grocery-shopping, preparing and cooking food, (a necessity but definitely not a favorite pastime of mine) trying my darndest to make my guests’ experience a good one. More often than not, this has left me physically exhausted, spiritually depleted and left to reassemble the pieces of myself after everyone has gone. Is it any wonder that upcoming visits are internalized with a healthy dose of stress?!

By comparison, while in conversation with the groom’s father, he described the beauty of Reunion Island (off the coast of Madagascar) where they live. I commented on what fun it would be for all three siblings and spouses to go see it together. In broken English, he said, “Yes! You come visit and no ‘otels.” I suspected he was inviting us to stay with them and I answered, “Oh my goodness, no, there would be six of us!” He looked me in the eyes, communicating soul to soul, and in a calm voice, said to me, “NO ‘otels! You family now, you stay wit US!” There is no doubt in my mind that he meant it. I sensed that it would not be a burden for him at all but that he saw it as a privilege to welcome us into his home.

Wow! Have I been missing the boat! How differently would I feel if I welcomed company as a privilege rather than a stressful experience? Maybe it’s my struggle with organization, my distaste for spending so much time preparing food, juggling schedules or the suspension of my self-care rituals, that are the cause of my perception of company being a burden. I suspect it’s probably all of the above. This perception of mine is currently under scrutiny so I can alter it to be a more pleasant experience.

After my talk with the groom’s father, and observing the bride’s mother, my sister-in-law, I realized that hosting doesn’t have to be so stressful. She made soups, desserts and various foods ahead of time and froze them. Come lunch/dinner time, she defrosted a ratatouille and ladled it over freshly made rice. Quick and easy! Being French, of course every meal is followed by freshly  baked (from the bakery) bread and cheese. This eliminates the worry of not having enough of the main course and the possibility of guests leaving the table still hungry. Finish with seasonal fresh fruit and you have a winning meal!

I usually feel like clean up is mine to spearhead. My sister-in-law was either unaware of or willing to allow people in her kitchen to help with clean up while she socialized with guests. Kitchen duty was not organized and was never done by the same people, but everything was laid back and ran smoothly. People were just grateful for the opportunity to be spending time together on such a joyous occasion.

When I compare how I have felt when I’ve received guests to my perception of my sister-in-law’s experience, I don’t get the impression our being there was an excessive burden on her. Rather, I felt encircled by the joy she radiated from all of us being there under her roof. Furthermore, her extended family from all over Europe as well as California, welcomed us with open arms, like we were best of friends. I sensed genuine warmth that shot straight to my heart and remained firmly lodged there not only for the duration of the week we spent in France, but I carry it with me still. Like a rubber band that has been expanded beyond its original shape, the space in my heart reserved for “family” has been expanded and enhanced in an immeasurable way. This is the gift I carried back with me all the way from France.

~Zanne

InSearchOfAuthenticity.com

© 2017 Zanne