The very word bounces off of me without penetrating my skull. Try as I might, my being rejects the concept. My fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants nature rebels at the very thought. I never know where to begin.
Why do I dread it so? Why is planning so painful for me? I often wonder if deciding on a course of action ahead of time cuts me off from other possibilities, and I do like to keep my options open… or is it more than that?
Even as I sit to start the task, my body starts fidgeting. I shift in my chair, legs bouncing up and down, up and down in staccato fashion and I feel like an engine being revved up and accelerating, waiting to be put in gear. Problem is, I never seem to get into the proper gear for takeoff. Seeing all the to-dos as equal, I struggle to decide which I will do first. Eenie, meenie, miney, mo… would as accurately prioritize the items on my list. After either ignoring them or having put them off indefinitely, I often decide that ALL must be done TODAY!! Oh, I’ll do this one first!! But then, this one really needs to get done as well… oh, and this one too!! Then after spending an inordinate amount of time struggling to select which should be done first, second, third etc., I give up in frustration and just jump in, doing whichever draws my attention first. There! At least now I’m moving in the completion-direction! And that is how my days go… actually, that is how my life goes. Ugh! Pure frustration!!!
I feel like life is passing me by and I wonder if I’m getting anything done! The thing is, I respond quite well under pressure. I often wonder if I lack the ‘proactive’ gene that is required to set one’s own pace and chart one’s own course. As many times as my husband has tried to explain planning to me, it still seems like such a foggy process. Making a decision… putting a stake in the ground, has never been my strong-suit. One would think that, at this point in my life, I would want to get in the driver’s seat and be more proactive in DRIVING MY OWN CAR!
That is why I will try again, to discover exactly what it is that I need in order to set my own sail. Perhaps it is a sense of passion and a clear destiny that calls one to progress forward. Perhaps it is a ‘vision of the possible’ that makes the difference. Could a vision propel me? If I had a clearer vision of what I want my life to be about, could that provide the framework for my days?
Aha! I think that may be it!! A crystal clear vision of what I want my life to be about would certainly help define the important to-dos and thereby clarify their prioritization among the rest. So now, the all-important question: WHAT DO I WANT MY LIFE TO BE ABOUT??? So many enticing possibilities… so many I want to explore… Do I really have to pick just one?
~Zanne
InSearchOfAuthenticity.com
© 2018 Zanne
In Search of Authenticity 
I am also not a planner. The day evolves and sometimes, I feel, that some of it wasn’t “productive” in any way. But then, I also see that I’ve enjoyed a spontaneous moment that never would have been experienced had I followed a plan which, to me, sounds so limiting. Thanks for sharing your thoughts in such a tefreshing way and helping me to see that I am not the only one.
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I know, Gisele, planning can sound so limiting! I’m right there with you. The trick, I’m told, is to plan enough to get the important things done while leaving enough wiggle room so the plan doesn’t feel like a straight-jacket. I’m still learning.
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Great post, Zanne. Just wondering if perhaps you might be afraid of making a mistake or afraid of choosing the “wrong” option? Oh, so many decisions in life!
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Yes, I think that may be part of it, Dianne. I hate looking back in hindsight and experiencing regret over a choice. I’ve finally come to the realization, though, that I can only make the best decision I can, given the information available at the time. Unfortunately, hindsight is not part of the available information…😏
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I think you are “proactive,” my friend, because
it’s important to you to be attentive to
a higher power. This is why you may have a plan A when it comes to being in the “driver’s seat,” but
you entrust yourself to plan B when and if it unfolds before your eyes. Thank you for your authenticity and good heart.
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You are very generous, my friend. I usually have a general idea what I will get done on any given day but I would be hard-pressed to call it “Plan A.” Does a ‘To-Do’ list count as a plan? Just PLEASE don’t ask me to prioritize it…that would be torture!! 😩
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I look at life on a weekly basis. Every week there are the routine things, the unexpected things, the chip away at projects things, and the possible crisis of the week thing. I suppose I’m a loose planner!
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It’s interesting, Diane, that you work on a weekly basis. I actually think that would work better for me! I say this because I hate to tell you how often my ‘to-do’ list gets misplaced, but when I relocate it again, I can usually check most items off my list because it somehow managed to get done in the previous few days! Maybe swatting at ‘to-do’s is a function of being ‘command central’ of the home?!?
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