“Your eyesight has improved… but don’t get used to it.”  

My eye doctor tells me that I am developing cataracts and in its beginning stages, a cataract can act as a stronger lens.  So, temporarily my vision has improved.  I think this qualifies as backhanded good news.

He tells me not to worry, that cataract surgery for me is still several years down the road.  I’m immediately suspicious. I’m guessing that my concept of “several years down the road” is probably different than his.  A couple years ago I questioned another doctor about the need for a knee replacement… his “not for a long time,” meant five to seven years.  So I ask my eye doctor how many years we are talking about.

“Ten years or so,” he replies.

“Somehow that doesn’t feel so far away to me,” I comment.

Chuckling, he agrees that chunks of time seem shorter as we get older.

Lately, when reminiscing with others about events past, and trying to identify how far back they took place, I add at least fifty percent more time than I think has actually elapsed.  That approach usually gets me closer to the mark than not.  Is time becoming more elusive?  Or am I just more aware of its finiteness??

As each day slides effortlessly into night, I am reminded that I am nearer the end than the beginning. What value can I leave behind?  How can I serve?  What gifts have I not fully put to good use?  These are the thoughts that run through my brain.

To discern genuine answers, though, I must go beyond my brain.  As Andrew Bennet said, “The longest journey you will ever take is the eighteen inches from your head to your heart.”  Accessing my heart is facilitated by frequent visits there.  Losing my way is an unfortunate reoccurrence as I allow life events to overcome silence.  Though my heart offers subtle messages, a noisy life creates so much static as to render them inaudible.  

Why is it so difficult to be still?  In a world obsessed with busy-ness, silence is not an obvious choice.  I am compelled to Do! Do! Do!  But the worthwhile answers to life’s questions are often mere utterances that can only be heard in the quiet recesses of the heart.  In this space, time slows down.  There is no panic that I should be doing something else.  There is only peace.  In this space I discern the whispers and can more clearly contemplate the direction for the rest of my journey…

~Zanne

InSearchOfAuthenticity.com

© 2020 Zanne