“Surrendering to the flow of life seems to come more easily to you than it does to me,” a friend of mine recently commented.  Like so many first-borns, her innate nature is to take charge and control things to the best of her ability.

I agree that this way of life is a bit easier for me to come by for a few reasons.  First, I’m not a first born, I’m a middle-child.  Rather than desiring control, my desire was to keep the peace at all costs, which morphed into trying to please everyone.  I could set out on a course of action, but would often get derailed by someone’s request that I allowed to take precedence over my own agenda.  Needless to say, it was next to impossible to achieve specific goals with this modus operandi. The frustration I  experienced, nevertheless, gave me practice in letting go of my plans and never holding on too tightly. 

At that time, I thought “going-with-the-flow” meant not making any plans and just taking whatever happened in my life.  Now, I realize that couldn’t be further from the truth.  It’s about deciding which outcome I’d like and taking the necessary steps to make it happen to the best of my ability.  But… once I’ve given it my best, it also means letting go the reigns and being willing to accept whatever the outcome turns out to be.  It means not being so hell-bent on the ONE outcome I’ve been working for and banking on it so single-mindedly, that I won’t accept anything else.  The problem with this single-mindedness outcome is that it blinds me to other possibilities that always exist.

My mother was really good at “going-with-the-flow,” possibly because, she too, was a people-pleaser, but also because it was her nature.  As a young child, I saw this as a plus, especially when it related to me.

I remember being eight or nine years old, with one older and one younger sibling.  There was a current of excitement in the air, a ‘happening’ everyone was preparing for.  My parents were going to a family wedding four hours away.  My mother had made all the arrangements.  Our great-aunt was to move in for the weekend to take care of us. Mom had made meals ahead of time to make it easier for auntie.  Mom had also packed her own and my dad’s suitcases so they could leave as soon as he got out of work.  This was a rare get-away for them that they were looking forward to with great anticipation!  

The day before they were to leave, I came down with a fever and my stomach refused to keep anything down.  Ugh!

My parents knew that if one kid had a stomach virus, the others would probably soon follow. Not wanting to leave auntie with a potential mess, they cancelled their plans and stayed home.

I remember knowing they were disappointed, but they didn’t get mad or speak any harsh words.  I never felt that they held me responsible for ruining their plans.  My mother was her usual, good-natured self and focused on her ‘new reality.’  Like a train that changes tracks with the throw of a switch, she pivoted and changed directions.  Just like that!

I can’t help but think how frustrated and disappointed my mother must have initially felt.  Understandably, she had every right to be.  Yet, she didn’t let that control her.

My mother, both my parents, actually, gave me an immense gift in this one experience that has served me well in life. From this, I learned that:

         ~When life throws me a curve ball that I can do nothing about, the best option is IMMEDIATE and TOTAL acceptance!

         ~Next, FOCUS on the NEW DIRECTION in front of me and not just resign myself to it but make the very best of my new reality!

This way of “going-with-the-flow” allows me to live life with a sense of gratitude and the belief that I can deal with whatever comes my way, even the most unpleasant.  This faith in my ability to accept whatever comes is combined with the powerful knowing that there is a deeper Inner Wisdom that will always be there to guide me in any situation I find myself in.

But this is not a ‘one-and-done.”  It’s a process that I continue to work on daily.  Actually, I should say PRACTICE daily because that’s what it takes…practice, practice, and more practice.

~Zanne
InSearchOfAuthenticity.com
© 2023 Zanne