Non-judgment to me means… it’s very possible that I don’t understand everything I’m observing and experiencing here.  When I look at people/situations/events from this vantage point, I’m more likely to learn something.  While judgment assumes I have all the answers, non-judgment entertains the possibility that there’s more than meets the eye. It compels me to be more open-minded.

When I can suspend judgment for even just a few seconds, I open myself to the possibility of seeing more clearly.  I open myself to a shift in perception, a shift that can lead to a whole new level of understanding.

First of all, I come from the perspective that we are all doing the best we can with the knowledge and level of awareness we have in this moment. When I can extend this grace/graciousness to everyone I interact with, it not only becomes easier to practice non-judgment but kindness and compassion begin to flow more easily.

What led me to embrace non-judgment was a story I refer to often, that I read twenty years ago in Stephen Covey’s book, “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.”  This is a story that opened my mind to the concept of ‘paradigm shift’…a shift in perception.  Often times we see something, decide what it means…in other words, we create a story around it, and then we believe it, never even considering that the meaning we assigned to it may be all wrong.

Here’s a synopsis of the story:  A young father gets on the commuter train with three young children.  After finding seats for all of them he slumps down in his seat and closes his eyes. The young children, however, find it impossible to restrain themselves.  They stand on their seats, tease and poke each other, and make a general nuisance of themselves.  Understandably, other passengers are noticing and getting irritated.  One of these passengers observes that the young man appears to be in his own little world, not caring that his children are disturbing others.  Judging the father to be inept and uncaring, this fellow passenger feels compelled to remedy the situation.  He nudges the young man’s elbow.  Surprised out of his reverie, the young man looks in the direction of the nudge.

“Are you aware that your children are disturbing other passengers?”

The father immediately sits up, blinks and looks around, taking notice for the first time.  

“Oh, I am so sorry!” he apologizes, “I wasn’t aware.  We’ve just come from the hospital where the children have just said their final goodbyes to their mother.  We’re overwhelmed and just not ourselves,” he stammers.  “Please forgive us.”

Wow!  This story packed such a wallop with me, I felt punched in the gut!  

How many times have I passed judgment without knowing all the facts?!?…more often than I’m comfortable to admit, I’m afraid.  After reading this story, I vowed to start practicing non-judgment…and I’m still practicing.  I don’t get it right all the time, but I’m at least aware some of the time.  Progress comes in incremental steps, and that’s okay.  I’ve discovered that the more grace I extend to others, the more grace I extend to myself and vice versa…less harsh, more understanding and forgiving.

As I’ve grown, I hold on to what I believe with a looser grip, and an understanding that there are quite possibly, additional aspects to consider that I may be unaware of.  It may be easier and feel more secure to look at life in black and white, but if I can allow myself to consider varying shades of gray as well, it opens me up to interesting possibilities and new perspectives, which in my experience, fosters understanding, kindness, and compassion.  Sign me up for that please!  ♥️

~SuZanne
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