“You should be happy with what you have.” 

 “Be grateful!” 

“Count your blessings.”

These are but a few of the admonishments/advice I received as a child when I wanted something more.  I can understand the sentiment behind it; being grateful in all things is of utmost importance to a joyful life.  However, 

I interpreted those messages as a statement that I was being ungrateful if I wanted anything more.  I think it’s quite likely that the adults in my life simply wanted to make sure I didn’t turn out to be a spoiled brat that just wanted-wanted-wanted always more.

As an adult, I’ve grappled to readjust my view of what it means to want more.  In talking with friends, we admit to feelings of ungratefulness for what we already have when we voice displeasure about something we feel is missing in our lives.  In pondering this further, however, I’ve come to an understanding that it’s equally important to acknowledge our unmet desires.  Doing so, does not in any way diminish our gratitude for the things that are good in our lives.  Rather, it gives us a point of focus on something we’d like to change or work toward.  Life is all about change and we are creatures of growth, yet, at the same time, we tend to resist change because it can be scary, especially if we’re unsure how to approach it. 

My way of approaching a change I want to make is to read as much good information as I can about the topic, then find someone who is already good at the skill I want to incorporate and pick their brain.  So much of what we go through in life boils down to the way we think about it and what we believe about ourselves.  I believe we all have the ability to learn whatever skill we want to learn if we want it badly enough and are willing to invest the time and energy, then commit to doing the work to acquire it. 

The way I see it, If I stop wanting more and better, I stop growing because having more and better necessarily means that “I” must be more and better.  It means that I must develop a skill to the next level or even learn a new skill altogether.  It requires me to question my own thinking, like my beliefs about my abilities.  Once I’ve done that, I’ll never be the same again. I’ll be a new, more advance version of myself.

For example, I’ve always considered myself technically challenged.  It’s a self-imposed label that I’ve believed for a long time.  If I’m honest, though, I’m not interested enough in the topic to engage myself for the period of time I perceive it would take.  I want to know it without putting in the time and effort to master it.  It’s just easier to consider myself incapable.  This kind of thinking has hindered my progress in areas where it would be highly advantageous to have mastered technology. It can be hard to call BS on myself because now, I no longer have the excuse that learning technology is beyond me.  It’s now a matter of choice; do I want to or don’t I… rather than I can’t.

I believe ‘wanting more/better’ is built into the human psyche/heart.  It is, in the end, what pushes me to work toward becoming a more highly evolved version of myself.

~SuZanne
InSearchOfAuthenticity.com
© 2023 Zanne

There are days when I just don’t feel like smiling.  This is one such day.  It stems from too much busyness and too little time in solitude, followed by a lack of energy or even the desire to make an effort.  This results in going through my day feeling emotionally neutral…not terribly happy, not really sad, just “meh.”  Left to my own devices when I’m in a state of ‘lack-of-awareness,’ I go about my day living in my head, on auto-pilot, barely noticing others as I pass them by.

Here’s the thing, though.  I’ve discovered that if I make the effort to pull up my level of awareness, (which is a big ask when I’m feeling this way,) I am able to take a deep breath and get centered.  I remind myself that even though I am a mere speck in all of humanity, I can turn my speck into a spark to light my little corner of the world.  I confront the resistant voice in my head that protests ‘but I don’t FEEL like it!’  I know better by now.  It’s exactly what I need to do to get myself going in the right direction again.  

Making small positive comments and smiling at others helps me  to reconnect with humanity.  It makes me feel like I’m doing my part.  I used to think that smiling at others as I passed them by was my gift to them, but today I am reminded that it’s equally a gift to myself.  Smiling not only radiates outward it also radiates inward.  It gets me out of my head and into my heart.  It helps me to focus on the good in my life, in others, and in this world.  I may not yet be in a state of joy, but that’s okay.  I know from past experience that it will come.  One step at a time, one day at a time, I will make my way back…   

~SuZanne
InSearchOfAuthenticity.com
© 2023 Zanne

Recently, pyramid-shaped speed bumps were built on the road to the cottage hubby and I rent for the summer.  One day, a crew appeared and by the time they left, mounds of black tar spanned the width of the road in two places. Mind you, this is a road that sees a maximum of 15-20 cars per day…not a well-travelled road.  However, it is in a tourist area so that may be why…?

Within two days, a bicyclist who attempted to ride over one of them, took a spill and had to be transported by ambulance to the ER.  Even though my husband and I know a bump is there, and we’ve already scraped the bottom of our car on it, occasionally we still forget.  The other day, my husband was driving home after dark and slammed on the brake when I yelled “BUMP!” just as we were about to be airborne. Most of the time, though, we skirt the bump by going around it on the grass, then up our driveway, avoiding it altogether.  Still, it’s a pain. 

Since I’m often sitting at my computer situated right in front of the window that looks out onto one of these speed bumps, I’ve witnessed different scenarios.  I’ve been mulling these scenes over in my mind. I can’t help but corelate what I’ve witnessed and experienced, with the bumps-in-the-road of life.  I’m cruising along when suddenly, I’m forced to a complete stop (breast cancer.) At another time, I don’t see an issue coming until I’m smack dab in the messy middle of it.  (interactions and misunderstandings.)  Sometimes, I carefully maneuver an issue (being intentional in looking for a win-win solution) and all comes out all right.

While I admit to skirting the speed bump on our road, I try not to skirt the issues in my life.  I use to be a die-hard conflict-avoider.  Now, I know that avoidance and denial will only make things worse.  I try to meet conflicts head on and deal with them the best I can, knowing that I will get better at handling “bumps” as I learn from each experience.  Some will be easier than others. Some will have more successful outcomes, but always I will learn something from each one so that, in the end, I will become more proficient at handling whatever comes my way.  That’s the beauty of not skirting, it empowers me to become a person who is capable of handling bigger issues.  Now that’s a win in my book!

~SuZanne
InSearchOfAuthenticity.com
© 2023 Zanne

“I wish I was back to being younger,” my eleven-year-old granddaughter said to me on a recent visit.  We were sitting on a bench outside, admiring the beautiful day.

“Oh?” I asked, wondering how much younger than eleven she would like to be and why.  No specific age was mentioned as I’m not sure it was clear in her own mind.

“When I was younger, everything was just so magical!”  she said wistfully, like she had lost something she cherished. Her disappointment in the ordinariness of life was evident. As I pressed further, she seemed to lose interest in the topic altogether.  It had been a fleeting thought that never quite settled long enough to be fully explored.

It got me thinking though and I’ve been mulling it over ever since.  Has life lost its magic for me?  Have I kept myself so busy that I’ve become numb to life’s beauty all around me?  Do I get lulled to sleep even during wakefulness by the sameness of my days? 

To be sure, there is a certain amount of routine to my days that is very good. It’s what keeps me sane.  When there is too much out-of-the-ordinariness, it can feel like I’m on a merry-go-round, pleading to get my feet back on solid ground.  It seems that to truly be alive and healthy, I need a little of both.

Is it possible that only young children see the “magic” of life?  They are in awe of everything because each event and encounter is fresh and new.  There are so many firsts which lead to so many questions.  I doubt that little children spend much time thinking about the past or pondering the future.  They are so immersed in the here and now that they fully experience each moment as it presents itself to them.  Perhaps that is where the magic lies…in the present moment.

I love the “nuggets of wisdom” my grandchildren unknowingly bestow on me.  They remind me of where I once was and where I need to find my way back to.

How can I recapture some of the “awe” I experienced in childhood?  How can I become more child-like and wake up to all that’s good and beautiful around me?  Questions worth pondering for sure…

Thank you my dear, sweet girl!

~SuZanne
InSearchOfAuthenticity.com
© 2023 Zanne

I remember as a young girl of eleven or twelve, wondering what made the ‘mean’ girl tick.  What made her that way?  Even back then, I had a rudimentary understanding that we are more alike than we are different.  

I created a scenario in my mind of the two of us getting stuck on an elevator, between floors with people frantically working to save us.  I imagined that our solitude combined with a mega-dose of fear would compel us to drop our respective facades and be real with one another, sharing our fears, hopes and dreams should we be lucky enough to escape unharmed.  I imagined that this realness would reveal our true nature… that we would end up actually liking each other and, ultimately, becoming good friends.  

I am reminded of the quote from Brené Brown:

“Being vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.”  

Some part of me, even at a very young age, recognized the huge benefit of  being vulnerable, though it would be a couple decades before I would dare to give myself permission to live that way.  Until the battle between authenticity and the need for the good opinions of others was finally put to rest, my façade was firmly in place, despite the discomfort caused by trying so hard to fit in.  

Over the years, I’ve mentally taken this “elevator test” with various individuals that I have felt at odds with.  It never fails to remind me that if I’m willing to put aside, even temporarily, issues I have with someone, I am more likely to find common ground with them than not. It helps me to see their humanity.  When I do that, how can my heart not go out to them?!? They are, after all, just like me!!  They just desire to be seen, heard and validated.  We truly are more alike than we are different…

~SuZanne
InSearchOfAuthenticity.com
© 2023 Zanne

Wandering around the Farmers’ Market with my two-year old granddaughter is always a treat. Even from her stroller, she appears to be fascinated by all the goings on around her.  On this particular Saturday, It took both of her little hands to hang onto the red pepper that I purchased.  Even though it was organic, I worried about possible germs when I saw her hold it to her mouth.  She was not about to surrender her gem as I tried to reason with her that we needed to wash it before we ate it.  A woman who had been in line ahead of me, apparently noticed because she handed me a water bottle and encouraged me to step aside to the grassy area and wash off the pepper.  

She must have heard the admiration in my voice when I thanked her because she explained, “We all have little ones in our lives that we want to protect.” I was in awe of the unsolicited gesture and very grateful as I looked up to thank her again… but she had already disappeared in the throng of shoppers. 

Onto the grass I went, talking to my granddaughter as she watched me wash off the pepper.  I shook off the excess water.  I was about to give it back to her when she looked at me with apprehension and said, “Wet!” 

I said, “Yes sweetie, I know it’s wet, but at least it’s clean.”

Still bent over talking with her, I found a roll of paper towels magically appear ten inches from my face.  I looked up to find another woman, the seafood vendor nearby who must have observed the exchange between myself and my granddaughter, offering me a way to dry the pepper.  Tearing off a sheet and thanking her wholeheartedly, I was filled with gratitude for the appearance of yet another angel genuinely willing to offer assistance to a complete stranger.  

“You’re doing the right thing grandma!  You can’t be too careful.”  She smiled and nodded in approval.

The heat ultimately chased us from the Farmers’ Market but the kindness of these two strangers has stayed with me.  These two women had the ability to put themselves in my shoes and immediately understand what it was that I needed.  They didn’t hesitate to help me with something that was in their power to help with.  I felt united with them.  They wanted to help me help my little one.  What an uplifting feeling.  This was a clear reminder that we are all connected. I am not alone and there are plenty of people around who are willing to help.

So often, we hear laments of the unkindness and selfishness in today’s society.  How often do we hear of the kindnesses and unselfish acts that go on every day, not necessarily unnoticed but certainly unreported.  

These women not only helped me with my granddaughter, they inspired me to be more aware of others’ needs as I go through my days and to help wherever I can.  Afterall, we are all on this journey together…

~SuZanne
InSearchOfAuthenticity.com
© 2023 Zanne

Non-judgment to me means… it’s very possible that I don’t understand everything I’m observing and experiencing here.  When I look at people/situations/events from this vantage point, I’m more likely to learn something.  While judgment assumes I have all the answers, non-judgment entertains the possibility that there’s more than meets the eye. It compels me to be more open-minded.

When I can suspend judgment for even just a few seconds, I open myself to the possibility of seeing more clearly.  I open myself to a shift in perception, a shift that can lead to a whole new level of understanding.

First of all, I come from the perspective that we are all doing the best we can with the knowledge and level of awareness we have in this moment. When I can extend this grace/graciousness to everyone I interact with, it not only becomes easier to practice non-judgment but kindness and compassion begin to flow more easily.

What led me to embrace non-judgment was a story I refer to often, that I read twenty years ago in Stephen Covey’s book, “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.”  This is a story that opened my mind to the concept of ‘paradigm shift’…a shift in perception.  Often times we see something, decide what it means…in other words, we create a story around it, and then we believe it, never even considering that the meaning we assigned to it may be all wrong.

Here’s a synopsis of the story:  A young father gets on the commuter train with three young children.  After finding seats for all of them he slumps down in his seat and closes his eyes. The young children, however, find it impossible to restrain themselves.  They stand on their seats, tease and poke each other, and make a general nuisance of themselves.  Understandably, other passengers are noticing and getting irritated.  One of these passengers observes that the young man appears to be in his own little world, not caring that his children are disturbing others.  Judging the father to be inept and uncaring, this fellow passenger feels compelled to remedy the situation.  He nudges the young man’s elbow.  Surprised out of his reverie, the young man looks in the direction of the nudge.

“Are you aware that your children are disturbing other passengers?”

The father immediately sits up, blinks and looks around, taking notice for the first time.  

“Oh, I am so sorry!” he apologizes, “I wasn’t aware.  We’ve just come from the hospital where the children have just said their final goodbyes to their mother.  We’re overwhelmed and just not ourselves,” he stammers.  “Please forgive us.”

Wow!  This story packed such a wallop with me, I felt punched in the gut!  

How many times have I passed judgment without knowing all the facts?!?…more often than I’m comfortable to admit, I’m afraid.  After reading this story, I vowed to start practicing non-judgment…and I’m still practicing.  I don’t get it right all the time, but I’m at least aware some of the time.  Progress comes in incremental steps, and that’s okay.  I’ve discovered that the more grace I extend to others, the more grace I extend to myself and vice versa…less harsh, more understanding and forgiving.

As I’ve grown, I hold on to what I believe with a looser grip, and an understanding that there are quite possibly, additional aspects to consider that I may be unaware of.  It may be easier and feel more secure to look at life in black and white, but if I can allow myself to consider varying shades of gray as well, it opens me up to interesting possibilities and new perspectives, which in my experience, fosters understanding, kindness, and compassion.  Sign me up for that please!  ♥️

~SuZanne
InSearchOfAuthenticity.com
© 2023 Zanne

“Surrendering to the flow of life seems to come more easily to you than it does to me,” a friend of mine recently commented.  Like so many first-borns, her innate nature is to take charge and control things to the best of her ability.

I agree that this way of life is a bit easier for me to come by for a few reasons.  First, I’m not a first born, I’m a middle-child.  Rather than desiring control, my desire was to keep the peace at all costs, which morphed into trying to please everyone.  I could set out on a course of action, but would often get derailed by someone’s request that I allowed to take precedence over my own agenda.  Needless to say, it was next to impossible to achieve specific goals with this modus operandi. The frustration I  experienced, nevertheless, gave me practice in letting go of my plans and never holding on too tightly. 

At that time, I thought “going-with-the-flow” meant not making any plans and just taking whatever happened in my life.  Now, I realize that couldn’t be further from the truth.  It’s about deciding which outcome I’d like and taking the necessary steps to make it happen to the best of my ability.  But… once I’ve given it my best, it also means letting go the reigns and being willing to accept whatever the outcome turns out to be.  It means not being so hell-bent on the ONE outcome I’ve been working for and banking on it so single-mindedly, that I won’t accept anything else.  The problem with this single-mindedness outcome is that it blinds me to other possibilities that always exist.

My mother was really good at “going-with-the-flow,” possibly because, she too, was a people-pleaser, but also because it was her nature.  As a young child, I saw this as a plus, especially when it related to me.

I remember being eight or nine years old, with one older and one younger sibling.  There was a current of excitement in the air, a ‘happening’ everyone was preparing for.  My parents were going to a family wedding four hours away.  My mother had made all the arrangements.  Our great-aunt was to move in for the weekend to take care of us. Mom had made meals ahead of time to make it easier for auntie.  Mom had also packed her own and my dad’s suitcases so they could leave as soon as he got out of work.  This was a rare get-away for them that they were looking forward to with great anticipation!  

The day before they were to leave, I came down with a fever and my stomach refused to keep anything down.  Ugh!

My parents knew that if one kid had a stomach virus, the others would probably soon follow. Not wanting to leave auntie with a potential mess, they cancelled their plans and stayed home.

I remember knowing they were disappointed, but they didn’t get mad or speak any harsh words.  I never felt that they held me responsible for ruining their plans.  My mother was her usual, good-natured self and focused on her ‘new reality.’  Like a train that changes tracks with the throw of a switch, she pivoted and changed directions.  Just like that!

I can’t help but think how frustrated and disappointed my mother must have initially felt.  Understandably, she had every right to be.  Yet, she didn’t let that control her.

My mother, both my parents, actually, gave me an immense gift in this one experience that has served me well in life. From this, I learned that:

         ~When life throws me a curve ball that I can do nothing about, the best option is IMMEDIATE and TOTAL acceptance!

         ~Next, FOCUS on the NEW DIRECTION in front of me and not just resign myself to it but make the very best of my new reality!

This way of “going-with-the-flow” allows me to live life with a sense of gratitude and the belief that I can deal with whatever comes my way, even the most unpleasant.  This faith in my ability to accept whatever comes is combined with the powerful knowing that there is a deeper Inner Wisdom that will always be there to guide me in any situation I find myself in.

But this is not a ‘one-and-done.”  It’s a process that I continue to work on daily.  Actually, I should say PRACTICE daily because that’s what it takes…practice, practice, and more practice.

~Zanne
InSearchOfAuthenticity.com
© 2023 Zanne

I’m a big proponent of time spent in solitude.  Does this make me an introvert?  I’m not sure, but I do know that solitude offers me time to reflect, on life in general, and on my life specifically.  It plays a central role in my continuing quest to unearth authenticity in my life.

In this hurry-hurry world, I know that sitting still, appearing to do nothing, is not a popular avocation.  My own upbringing did not support this.  At least appearing to be busy was more valued than the perceived laziness of seeming to do nothing.  I stumbled upon the practice of solitude when I was given a blank journal as a gift.  Exploring my thoughts on paper certainly pointed me in the right direction.  Examining those thoughts led me to examining my beliefs and intentions which opened me to my authentic heart space.

I’ve long known this introspective process is valuable. I’ve also wondered why some sessions feel more ‘productive’ than others.  Sometimes I walk away from my time spent in solitude with nothing more than knowing I’ve put in the effort.  Other times I feel like I’ve mined for gold and hit the jackpot.  I have come to believe that it is the consistent effort that produces the latter…the commitment to spending the time whether or not it feels like anything is happening.

Recently, my heart lurched as I was listening to Deepak Chopra.  My heart always knows when it hears the truth.  He said, “Your heart has an intelligence like your brain does.  But the intelligence of your heart is more contextual and much more relational, more holistic.  It doesn’t have a win/lose orientation.  The heart has an intuitive intelligence.”  He then encouraged us to practice what he calls “heart-awareness.”

I believe that is what I do when I spend time in stillness at the commencement of each day.  Similar to a daily shower, it is a reconnect with Spirit.  This is where I practice heart-awareness.  When I move and live and breathe from this place, it always feels right.  

I’ve heard it said that the most challenging journey any of us will ever take is the journey from our head to our heart.  It is challenging because it is something I must be proactive with.  Current-day-life certainly doesn’t point me in that direction. Daily demands can keep me busy at a dizzying pace and then push me toward the road most-travelled rather than the road less-travelled.  Weaving this precious practice of solitude into my daily routine is up to me.  It just may be the greatest gift I give to myself… as well as to humanity.

~SuZanne
InSearchOfAuthenticity.com
© 2023 Zanne