While listening to a webinar, the presenter said there are few people left who are not plugged into technology somehow.  Gone is the group of people who ‘chose’ not to plug into Face Book or other social media venues because they were “simply not interested and didn’t need it” or felt it was beyond their technical skills.  This presenter said even the reluctant among us are being forced to get up to speed. 

Yes, that would be me.  I didn’t feel the need to be connected in that way.  I didn’t want to take the time to learn how to navigate the platforms and all they can or can’t do. I tend to view them as time-sucking vacuums.  Not for me, Thank you!

However, during this time of isolation, I find myself turning to them more and more.  What surprises me is how quickly I’m learning.  Necessity is a good motivator!

This experience makes me wonder how many other things I’ve been resisting … reaching inaccurate conclusions, mostly assumptions about a level of difficulty that exists mostly in my mind.  I guess those are called preconceived notions. This new awareness prompts me to search for other areas of my life where I might become more “willing and capable.”

The origins of the abilities we have or don’t have are first conceived in our own minds.  Henry Ford expressed this succinctly; “Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right.”  

~Zanne
InSearchOfAuthenticity.com
© 2020 Zanne

As I was walking early one recent morning, a group of 20 or so cyclists passed me going in the opposite direction.  I was looking at them, busy counting how many they numbered, when one cyclist in the middle of the pack waved to me and yelled out “Good Morning!” (Darn! His greeting surprised me and made me lose count!  😄)

I can’t tell you exactly what I felt in that moment, but I can tell you that it was a rejuvenating spark.  I felt seen; my presence validated.  Up until that point, I didn’t feel like anything was missing.  I was in my own internal world. That greeting pulled me out of my cocoon and brought me into consciousness of the larger world that we all share… and it brought me joy.

This got me thinking about how easy it is to stay wrapped up in our own little bubble, especially right now.  Recently, I heard the term Physical Distancing.  I think it more accurately describes what we’re all trying to do.  Unfortunately, it’s been labeled “Social”Distancing but ends up feeling more like Social Isolation.  When passing other walkers and trying to avoid each other’s “space,” it appears to me that some even avoid eye contact for fear that the virus might be caught with just an exchanged glance!

Having experienced firsthand how good it feels to be seen and acknowledged, I’ve started greeting each person I meet with a cheery “Good Morning!”  even when they are wearing headphones or earbuds, and not looking my way.  I’m noticing that many people react much the same way I did when I was unexpectedly greeted by the biker.  Most of them come to life and a smile suddenly appears on their faces.  With so many people having great difficulty finding anything to smile about these days, I consider this a victory!  Since we are all in this together, it’s important to treasure the human behind each encounter.  These quick, simple connections can bring a bit of joy to the giver as well as the receiver in a very real way… at a time when it is sorely needed indeed!

~Zanne
InSearchOfAuthenticity.com
© 2020 Zanne

My 92 year-old mother goes to my sister’s for dinner most nights but otherwise she’s been spending her days alone in her own home.  Of course, she receives daily calls from my brother and me as well as frequent calls from several of her grandchildren.  Despite bouts with sciatica pain, and various other woes that her elderly body is afflicted with, her voice is usually upbeat.  During a recent conversation, we discussed how to maintain healthy dispositions especially during these unprecedented times of seclusion.  

She said, “When I start to feel my spirits lag, I change my focus to something else that I can do something about.  I don’t want to go down a dark hole that could be difficult to climb out of!  Often, it’s just a matter of busying myself with a chore that requires concentration and the next thing I know my spirits are up.”

After she returned home from Florida last month, she self-quarantined for 14 days.  In relaying an incident to me over the phone during that time she mentioned that “… and the phone rang while I was putting on my makeup…”  I didn’t hear the rest of her account because my brain was doing flips, thinking Wait! Wait! Wait!  Self-quarantining means you won’t be seeing anybody!  

“You’re still putting on makeup?” I asked in amusement.

“Yes,” she replied matter-of-factly, “I’ve noticed that I feel better when I do.”

She couldn’t have seen me grinning on the other end but I’m sure she heard it in my voice, “Good for you Mom!  I’m so proud of you for doing whatever you need to do to keep your spirits up!”

Like most of us, Mom doesn’t like change.  When what happens is out of her control, though, she navigates it so well.  Her example of adapting and coping when there aren’t many choices has served her well over the years and I pray that I, too, can handle the unexpected and unpleasant with such ease and grace.

~Zanne
InSearchOfAuthenticity.com
© 2020 Zanne

After starting on wall paper removal and completing my first Spanish lesson, I look over my list of things I can do during this period of isolation.  I chuckle because it resembles a “to-do” list.  It’s entirely focused on doing-doing-doing.  That’s when I realize that I’ve done it again. I’ve neglected that which is so easily set aside; time in silence.  What a great time to establish the daily habit of silence and meditation, even journaling.  Sure, I do it here and there, now and then, at times more consistently than others.  But right now, there are no interruptions, no appointments to rush off to, no meetings, events or socials.  Basically…no excuses!

In our rush-rush culture, do we busy ourselves so much because we dread going into what we suspect are the “dungeons” of our inner selves?  I, for one, am more likely to jump into doing a task than to sit quietly and be still.  I wonder what would happen if each of us took even just a portion of the time we have available right now to turn inward and become a bit more introspective.  I’m not talking about enumerating all the possible consequences of the virus and the multitude of gloomy suppositions.  I’m just talking about sitting quietly and “visiting” with our inner selves and examining closely what we find there.  Instead of the dreaded dungeon, we may actually discover a refreshing private garden.  A non-judgmental visit just to explore and to discover what it is we need at this point in time.  If it’s peace, joy, and love, I suspect that’s exactly what we will find with regular visits.  Becoming less of a stranger and more of a friend to ourselves will be an additional but no lesser bonus. 

I suspect that balancing doing with being will always be a tug-and-pull for me.  I continue the quest because of its immeasurable value.  Surely, I’m not the only one who struggles with taking the time for something I know is good for me but too often letting it slide?  I continually have to course-correct.

During this time of isolation, I commit to creating a habit that brings me calmness and serenity, insight and knowledge of self; a habit that will support me long after this period of confinement is over.  Ultimately, this is the true gift that is offered me during this “forced pause!”  

~Zanne
InSearchOfAuthenticity.com
© 2020 Zanne

“There’s no sense of normalcy!” my friend complains to me over the phone. None of us wants to host this little coronavirus bugger so we’re voluntarily (for the most part) staying home. Our routines and lives have been upended.  We all find ourselves in the same boat.  

Right from the start, I suspect our confinement could go on for quite a while.  This prompts me to immediately create a new normal in my life.  As I contemplate my options, I consider that this “forced pause” might hold within it, a potential opportunity.  

I’m not trying to be Pollyanna.  I’m simply not interested in becoming depressed.  My solution is to look for something that I can control amidst a situation where there appears to be very little that I can.  I don’t have to sit with this idea for long before I find something.  It could almost be seen as …dare I whisper it?  A gift?

I typically fill my days to the brim with activities, some necessary, and some mere unexamined habits.  I’ve spent too much of my life in a race against time.  Now that I have so much of it on my hands, I ask myself, “What are those things I always think about doing but never have the time for?”  I decide to create a list, keeping it handy, so I can add things as they pop into my mind:

~Removing wallpaper from the bathroom walls.
~Learning to speak Spanish.
~Learning to draw cartoon characters.
~Contact friends I haven’t been in touch with for a while.
~Reading the multitude of books on my shelves.
~Peruse home decorating books/websites.
~Doing a deep clean of my house. (last for a reason!)

This period of suspended activity provides me with some unexpected, valuable time to tap into my creativity and to dive into unexplored territories.  

I can either spend this time of uncertainty bombarding myself with a variety of “what-if” scenarios or I can release the anxiety by occupying myself with much more pleasurable pursuits.  I choose the latter!

~Zanne
InSearchOfAuthenticity.com
© 2020 Zanne

“Your eyesight has improved… but don’t get used to it.”  

My eye doctor tells me that I am developing cataracts and in its beginning stages, a cataract can act as a stronger lens.  So, temporarily my vision has improved.  I think this qualifies as backhanded good news.

He tells me not to worry, that cataract surgery for me is still several years down the road.  I’m immediately suspicious. I’m guessing that my concept of “several years down the road” is probably different than his.  A couple years ago I questioned another doctor about the need for a knee replacement… his “not for a long time,” meant five to seven years.  So I ask my eye doctor how many years we are talking about.

“Ten years or so,” he replies.

“Somehow that doesn’t feel so far away to me,” I comment.

Chuckling, he agrees that chunks of time seem shorter as we get older.

Lately, when reminiscing with others about events past, and trying to identify how far back they took place, I add at least fifty percent more time than I think has actually elapsed.  That approach usually gets me closer to the mark than not.  Is time becoming more elusive?  Or am I just more aware of its finiteness??

As each day slides effortlessly into night, I am reminded that I am nearer the end than the beginning. What value can I leave behind?  How can I serve?  What gifts have I not fully put to good use?  These are the thoughts that run through my brain.

To discern genuine answers, though, I must go beyond my brain.  As Andrew Bennet said, “The longest journey you will ever take is the eighteen inches from your head to your heart.”  Accessing my heart is facilitated by frequent visits there.  Losing my way is an unfortunate reoccurrence as I allow life events to overcome silence.  Though my heart offers subtle messages, a noisy life creates so much static as to render them inaudible.  

Why is it so difficult to be still?  In a world obsessed with busy-ness, silence is not an obvious choice.  I am compelled to Do! Do! Do!  But the worthwhile answers to life’s questions are often mere utterances that can only be heard in the quiet recesses of the heart.  In this space, time slows down.  There is no panic that I should be doing something else.  There is only peace.  In this space I discern the whispers and can more clearly contemplate the direction for the rest of my journey…

~Zanne

InSearchOfAuthenticity.com

© 2020 Zanne

A perfectly square, glass container sits empty on the dining table.  It begs to be filled with something… a candle or flowers maybe?  Even though I know bougainvillea don’t qualify as flowers or blooms, I decide an arrangement of these would be an improvement. How fortunate that they are plentiful right outside my door!

Clippers in hand, I walk out ready to snip.  Upon looking them over, however, I realize the recent coldish temps have taken their toll on my fuchsia-colored friends.  The more I look, the greater my doubts grow about gathering enough pretty ‘flowers’ to make my arrangement.  I find myself rummaging deeper into the bush in hopes of finding some that have been sheltered enough to maintain their vibrancy.

As I examine the few bunches I’ve already clipped, I realize that among all of them, none is perfect.  Each bunch has one or two flowers that are marred in some way.  I’m about to give up hope when it dawns on me that I’m letting the search for perfection overshadow the joy of what is.  What if, instead, I incorporate the imperfect with the perfect.  How would they look coexisting in the square glass container on my table?  Hmm…

I couldn’t help but take the short leap from the arrangement to my life…. How often do I get frustrated with the illusive “perfection” not just in myself but in life in general?  

How often do I think “Oh, “It” __(insert any number of situations here)__ would be perfect if it wasn’t for____(fill in the blank)____!”  What if life isn’t meant to be perfect??  What if these situations are in my life in order to equip me with skills and knowledge that will serve me down the road?  What if, instead of resisting them, I embrace them, take them in stride and incorporate them into my life?!

These thoughts run through my head as I carry my clippings into the house.  I must confess that I still choose to remove the wilted, browning, blossoms but I do incorporate the “less-than-perfect-looking” ones among the more vibrant.   Each contributes its individual hue and texture toward making the final arrangement quite attractive.  

My private hope is that each time my eyes fall on it, I am reminded to relinquish the pursuit of perfection in favor of embracing what is…knowing that what is is exactly as it should be…  

~Zanne

InSearchOfAuthenticity.com

© 2020 Zanne

   

I dispatch this from under the covers of my own bed.  Fever and chills broke, I’m now left with a runny nose and a hacking cough.  Having slept in five different beds (all very comfortable!) in a little over three weeks, I can tell you that especially when you’re sick, there is no place like home!

The familiar, my surroundings, knowing where everything is that I might need and not worrying that I might spread this to someone else in the household is comforting. Since my husband and I started this virus on the same day and he’s doing better, I have to assume there is a light at the end of the tunnel for me too.  

Home is so much more than the physical dwelling I occupy.  It’s the routine, the foods I typically eat, when I do what, and the gaps of time left for thinking. All these bring normalcy to my everyday life.  I need this like the air I breathe.  When I don’t have it, it’s like being held under water; I can only hold my breath so long before I gasp for air and start to take water into my lungs… not a pleasant prospect.

Being out of my home environment too long can be like that for me.  It’s almost like going on a vacation that’s a bit too long.  At first, it’s wonderful, then it’s still fun, then you start to miss the familiarity of home, then you start to count the days till you get back into your routines.  I can do it and even enjoy it, but there comes a tipping point where the fun starts to compete with my basic need for self-care and just plain quiet, down time… things I get most easily in my own home.   

Since I’ve been sick three out of the last four Christmases, I have to question how I can do things differently so I don’t continue to get the same results.  As I look back over the last three weeks, I enjoyed every minute of it, so it would be hard to eliminate any part of it.  However, my body tells me that something needs to change.  Fortunately, I have approximately 300 days to figure it out.

In the meantime, I will try to keep the shivers at bay, eat my chicken soup, drink plenty of fluids and pray that I’ll soon be on the other side of this.  At least I’m in my own bed to recuperate… and I reiterate with certainty, “there is no place like home!”

~Zanne

InSearchOfAuthenticity.com

© 2020 Zanne

Looking at my Christmas tree in all its splendor, holiday instrumentals playing softly in the background, while sipping from my first morning cup…fills me with serenity and contentment.  In this moment, all is right with my world.  I will admit that if I zoom out and let everything that’s going on in my life come into focus, I have my share of challenges.  However, in this moment, all is right with my world.

My eyes land on the ornament from my granddaughter.  She is so enchanted with fairies right now that she insisted on making an ornament and sending it to me.  It is a picture of “Ruby-the-Red-Fairy,” which she hand-colored and meticulously cut out just for me.  I’m amazed at her dexterity given she is only seven years old.

When she discovered that one of her uncles was coming to help decorate our tree, she immediately went to work calculating when her ornament needed to be put in the mail in order for us to get it on time.  Once her master plan was in place, she immediately went into action.  

I happened to be on the phone with her the day she completed it and requested an envelope from her dad.  I heard the disappointment in her voice when she discovered the standard envelope would not accommodate the ornament without it being folded. 

“Oh no!  The envelope is too small!  “Ruby-the-Red-Fairy” will get all wrinkled!”

“Just fold her carefully until she fits in the envelope and when I get it, I will iron the wrinkles out of her.”  I advised.

“You can’t iron paper, GrandMama!” her voice filled with disbelief that I should suggest such a thing.  

“Of course we can, I’ve done it many times!  You put the piece of paper between two thin layers of fabric and the heat takes the wrinkles right out of the paper!”

“R-e-a-l-l-y ???”  I could picture her eyes wide open with amazement.  

“…Okay!!!”  Her delight made my heart sing!

I called to let her know when I received her ornament a day prior to her uncle’s arrival.  The squeal on the other end was priceless.

As I look at this ornament now hanging on my tree, “Ruby-the-Red-Fairy” is made all the sweeter because I picture my little granddaughter’s concentration on maneuvering the scissors with utmost care, probably with lips pursed and brows furrowed.  It is precious not because of the material it’s made of but for the love that is unmistakably infused in it.  The time she put into it and the joy she derived from making it…that’s what I see when I look at it.  That she feels close enough to me to want to share what is most precious to her binds our hearts together.

~Zanne

InSearchOfAuthenticity.com

© 2019 Zanne