I find myself getting frustrated after circling the full parking lot for the third time.  Finally, I spot a place a few spaces over. 

As I approach, I discover the reason it’s available.  The car in the adjacent space is parked in a haphazard fashion, rendering the neighboring  one unusable.  Cars rounding the corner from the other side carefully maneuver around it in order to avoid clipping the car’s back end. I decide, like others before me, to drive on in search of a more user-friendly space.  A couple of  minutes later, I back into a newly vacated spot directly across from the offending car.

While I sit there a few seconds wondering if I’ll get to see the driver of that car, a fellow patron walks up to it with pen and paper and jots down the license plate.  Irritation is written all over her face.  I exit my car and walk in her direction as I head to the grocery store.

“That person sure was in a hurry when they parked their car huh?!” I say to her.

“This is a hazard!” she exclaims.  “I’m reporting this car so the owner can come move it before it causes an accident!” 

I’m glad someone is doing something about it, I mutter to myself, trying to keep my temper from rising.

It occurs to me that I’ve grown increasingly intolerant when I see ill-parked cars lately.  I know a big part of my frustration stems from my perception that people who don’t park their cars properly are being inconsiderate of those who come after them.  I realize they may be in a hurry but their time is no more valuable than anyone else’s.  Their needs are not more important than others’ needs.  It is thoughtlessness, pure and simple.

At least this is the narrative that runs through my mind each time I come across a poorly-parked-car.  I’m not someone who angers easily, but this pet peeve of mine can cause me to become incensed if I let it.

When I return to my car after getting the items I need from the grocery store, the car-in-violation is still parked askew with the driver nowhere in sight.  

In the past, I’ve just stewed about such situations but this time I feel compelled to do something since I clearly won’t be able to talk to the driver  in person.  I tell myself that getting angry won’t change anything; it will just pollute my day.

I sit there contemplating my choices.  Without the benefit of talking to the person face to face, what can I do?   

I decide to leave the driver a note.  Knowing that a nasty one may offer me the opportunity to unload my feelings but do little else, I decide to leave something that will hold him/her accountable in a positive way… one that at least has the potential to change the person’s future parking behavior.  It has the added benefit of making me feel like I’m doing something to rectify the situation.

I leave a note under the windshield wiper blade that says, “Please be considerate of others when parking.  Have a nice day!”  I even add a smiley face for good measure. 

While the driver might not appreciate being “called out” even politely, I’m guessing it will at least give him/her pause the next time they haphazardly pull into a parking space.  🙂

~Zanne

InSearchOfAuthenticity.com

© 2019 Zanne

I groan at the thought of the job ahead of me as I watch my husband pull down boxes from the attic above the garage.  We decided that this was the summer to go through everything.  Is there any other task so daunting than paring down thirty years of accumulation?!?

I tell myself that it shouldn’t be that hard.  After all, I haven’t used or even seen the stuff in ten years… nor have I missed it.  I couldn’t even say for sure what’s up there.  Theoretically, I should be able to move the boxes from the attic to the car to the donation center unopened and not miss a thing.  Right! …like that’s ever going to happen!  

When I say “we” are paring down, I really mean “I” am paring down because hubby rarely accumulates anything he doesn’t have an immediate use for.  Most of what’s in the attic is household stuff anyway, so it’s up to me to sift, sort and pitch. I usually find it difficult to part with things that are still so good and useful.  Surely I’m not the only one who feels this way?!?  

I’ve lost a couple friends this year.  One from a five year battle with cancer, another who went to the hospital for an MRI only to discover she had a brain tumor.  She never returned home for the five weeks she had left.  The tremors caused by these losses compelled me to put my own life in perspective.  I’ve asked myself, If I was to walk out of my home not realizing I was never going to return, would I want hubby or any of my children to inherit the burden of sifting and sorting through everything?  Although they’d probably make short work of it, I don’t think it’s fair to leave them with that.  I feel responsible for the mess I leave behind…I want to minimize it as much as possible…

The idea of moving through life “lightweight” is so enticing that I jump in wholeheartedly.  I found a non-profit thrift shop that uses their proceeds to help the elderly with their fuel bills right here in our community.  It’s a win-win and it makes parting with cherished possessions so much easier!  Seven carloads later, I feel like I’m making progress.

So here’s to our summer of paring down!!

~Zanne

InSearchOfAuthenticity.com

© 2019 Zanne

Am I the only one frustrated when faced with using new computer application tools?  Usually, when I get on my computer, I do so with the mindset of completing a task.  I’m on the horse and I want to get going!  Having to disembark and step back to detect why my ‘horse’ aka computer isn’t operating as I expected, slows me down and puts a crimp in my plans.  

What do you mean this new program doesn’t work exactly like my old one did??  I want to know how to use the darn thing without having to take the time to learn.  My husband, on the other hand, understands that patience in dealing with these apps will get you further than fuming.  He takes the time to learn and understand how each of them works.  He masters them; they don’t get the better of him.

I am usually working up against a deadline, often self-imposed.  The irritation I feel is due, in large part, to the helplessness I feel… much like when I was trying to communicate to someone last weekend who spoke only Spanish.  We tried desperately to communicate but couldn’t understand one another until her husband came along and acted as our go-between.

My husband is my go-between with computer apps.  He translates them for me in a way that is less frustrating.  He understands how my brain works, my computer doesn’t.  I’m not unable to learn; I’m in just too much of a hurry and a little worried that if I click the wrong icon, my work will disappear.   Surely I’m not be the only one who’s had this most unpleasant experience!?  

Well, here I am writing this blog entry within a new-for-me app.  It’s like riding a new bike with training wheels.  So far so good!  The best part is that my husband is right around the corner should I have a spill.  Actually, the best, best part is that Nothing’s disappeared on me yet!  

As I write all this down, it occurs to me that my default setting still appears to be a hurried cadence.  Slowing down long enough to learn something seems to come more naturally to others than it does to me.  That must be why I value down time so much.  It’s only by slowing down this machinery of doing and accomplishing that I am able to discover and learn. It’s a concept that keeps reappearing for me.  Just when I think I’ve got it, I realize I don’t.  Like a wet slippery fish that’s impossible to hold onto, I feel the fisherman’s frustration who experiences this ongoing struggle.  Learning from the fisherman who continues to patiently cast his line and begin again, I, too, will continue to persist…

~Zanne

InSearchOfAuthenticity.com

© 2019 Zanne

I’ve read that an increased sense of joy is the result of being grateful.  That makes sense to me so I’ve decided to pay particular attention to the kinds of things that bring me joy. It occurs to me that much is lost in the hustle and bustle of each day. I have so much to be thankful for and yet I’m often too busy or preoccupied to see and appreciate each one. By writing down five things I’m grateful for at the end of each day, I’m becoming more attuned with what brings me joy.  Here are a few I’ve identified in my initial attempts:

That first sip of coffee in the morning!  Oh joy!!

A small blue rock gifted to me by my exuberant six-year-old granddaughter, on which she lovingly painted a rainbow alongside “I LOVE GRAMA.” It brings a smile to my lips and tugs on my heart every time my eyes fall on it… which is every day!

My husband is in the habit of making the bed right away whenever he gets up after me.  I wish I could say the same when I’m the last one up.  Instead, I usually wait for his help.  So when I walk into the bedroom to find the bed already made, it screams “I LOVE YOU!”   It’s a very small gesture in the scheme of things, I know, but it warms my heart in an immeasurable way.  Or when I come to unpack the dishwasher and find that he’s already done it before he left for work.  I’m greeted with another little thing that only took minutes, but says to me, “Just wanted to make your day a little bit easier.”  In my book, these qualify as things that bring me joy.

A friend, after learning that I’m stuck home at lunchtime on my birthday, due to waiting for a technician to show up in that “two-hour window,” brings takeout from a restaurant so we can still celebrate my birthday.  This tickles my heart!

A neighbor appears at my door with the thumb brace her doctor recommended for her when she sprained her thumb as I’ve just done. Her care, concern and kindness even more than the brace are precious treasures that can too easily be overlooked!

I thought I’d have to approach this effort as a detective trying to discover what things bring me joy.  I’m not sure discovering things that are hidden in plain sight qualifies as an effort.  I think that training myself to see and appreciate simple things more readily, though, will also increase my ability to detect things that lie a bit deeper and are less easily noticeable.

I believe that joy and grace increase exponentially once we create the habit of identifying those ‘joyful moments’ in our lives.  And what’s more, it’s contagious to those around us. This is one virus I don’t mind spreading!  😊

~Zanne

InSearchOfAuthenticity.com

© 2019 Zanne

I recall an incident my fourteen-year-old freshman daughter recounted to me one afternoon after returning home from school.  She had chosen to sit next to a young, middle-school girl on the bus ride home and had struck up a conversation with her.  An upper classman got on the bus a few minutes later and noticed them.  As he passed the two, he looked at my daughter and snickered, “Why would you sit next to that little kid?”  Like it should be beneath her to sit with someone so much younger than her.

“Why shouldn’t I?” my daughter questioned.

“Do you try to be a loser?” he shot over his shoulder as he made his way down the aisle.

“Just because she’s younger doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy talking with her,” my daughter returned.

The twelve-year old looked at my daughter, her voice a mix of awe and disbelief.  “How do you dare stand up to him?!  How do you do that?!”

My daughter smiled at her and said, “Easy.  What he thinks of me doesn’t make me who I am.”

Now it was my turn to look at her with awe and disbelief!  How could she have understood this at such an early age?!  I was at least twice her age before I started to realize that what other people thought of me did NOT define me.  Heck! At the time of this incident, truth be told, I was still struggling with it.  And here was my fourteen-year-old daughter not only in full grasp of this truth but clearly living it.  I’ve often wondered if this conversation might have been a pivotal moment in the younger girl’s perception as well.  To say I was proud of my daughter would minimize the extent of all that I was feeling.

I’ve thought of this many times since then. When we can release the need of the good opinion of others, it frees us to be more of what we’re capable of being.  We remove roadblocks that restrict us from being a more authentic version of ourselves. I am grateful to my daughter for her powerful words of wisdom and the strength of her example that continue to ring true in my heart!

~Zanne

InSearchOfAuthenticity.com

© 2019 Zanne

I was out with a friend recently when she realized it was my Birthday.  As usual, our outing culminated with coffee at Starbucks.  She had already gotten her coffee by the time I returned from the restroom.

“Make sure you see Chad at the counter. He’s expecting you,” she stated.  In answer to my raised eyebrow, she continued, “…with your Birthday coffee.”

“Oh, thank you!  That is so sweet of you!”  I smiled.  With a light and happy heart, I went in search of Chad.  After waiting in line longer than seemed necessary for a pre-paid cup of coffee, it was finally my turn.

“Hi Chad, I’m here to collect my Birthday Coffee.”

“Coming right up!” he said with a smile.

The man behind me overheard and piped in, “It’s your Birthday?  Let me buy you something,” he said as he pointed to all the goodies beckoning from behind the display case.

“Oh, thank you!” I laughed

“No, I’m serious!” he exclaimed, “Please let me get you something!”

What do you say to that??  He couldn’t have known that I rarely let those pastries pass my lips nor could he have known that I had already had breakfast.

After a third try, he realized that, while I appreciated it, I wasn’t going to take him up on it.

He was waiting at the end of the counter for his order when I stepped forward to fix my cup of coffee.  I turned to him and said,  “I want you to know that you made my day!  The idea that a complete stranger cared enough to want to make my Birthday special has really touched me.  Your kindness will not stop here.  I know that the next time I come across someone who is having a Birthday, I will do the same for them that you did for me.  Thank you again!”

“I believe that’s what we’re called to do… to bless one another,” he replied.  Rather than believe in theory, this man put his beliefs into action and what a powerful impact it had on me!

It got me to thinking again about my good friend who committed to performing 60 acts of kindness as her 60th Birthday gift to herself.  This is just the sort of thing she would do!

In the busyness of my life, how often do I miss out on opportunities to bless others? “Others” who I perceive to be strangers, but are merely friends I haven’t yet met?  It’s time for me to join my friend in performing random acts of kindness more intentionally. Having experienced first hand the power of such thoughtfulness, I am compelled to look for opportunities to pass it on…

~Zanne

InSearchOfAuthenticity.com

© 2019 Zanne

 

“This is it!”  I announced to my husband. “Today is the day I clean out the guest room and go through my stuff. “

“Didn’t you just do that a few months ago?”  His puzzled look tells me he just doesn’t get it.

That comment is understandable coming from an organized, “if-it’s-not-immediately-needed-or-nailed-down-then-out-it-goes” kind of guy.  I find a person of that type is most often paired with a “keeping-it-as-I-might-have-a-use-for-it-someday”­ kind of person. Unfortunately, I am the latter, so going through my stuff is a common occurrence. Living in a rather small place requires regular review, as it seems to multiply rather quickly if ignored for too long.

Over the years, hubby has said the following:

~ “Space is at a premium. It costs more to store the stuff than what the stuff is worth.  It is more economical to give away what you’re not needing or using even when it means re-purchasing the occasional item you wish you had kept.”

~ ”When you need it, will you be able to find/put your hands on it quickly?”

~ ”Is this how you want to be spending your precious time…always clearing, organizing and reorganizing?  Or would you rather be reading, socializing or engaging in anything else more pleasant?” (He’s got a point there!)

My husband’s rational thinking on this subject has helped quite a bit over the years.  There are so many other things I’d rather be doing.  However, I think it’s just more challenging for us creative types who see the potential in almost anything; who have fun thinking of the possibilities of things we could make with it…if we only had the time to!

In self-defense, however, I have been his savior multiple times.  There have been numerous requests from hubby, like “You wouldn’t happen to have a (insert whatever he needs here ie. piece of cardboard, bubble wrap, wire, masking tape?)”

Me: “Why, yes, yes, yes and YES!!”

Sure beats having to get in your car and take your precious time to go out and get it, doesn’t it??  I snicker to myself.

While I see his point of view, I believe mine is also valid.  It’s a matter of finding that sweet spot somewhere in the middle.

That is what I am attempting to do…once again!

~Zanne

InSearchOfAuthenticity.com

© 2019 Zanne

Over the recent holiday, I was telling my nephew’s girlfriend that I sleep with earplugs because I’m such a light sleeper.

“Oh, I just can’t stand wearing earplugs!” she blurted out. “It makes me feel like I’m stuck inside my head!”

“Thoughts are definitely clearer when there’s no noise,” I responded.

“Yes!  That’s it!! I just don’t like to get that close to my thoughts!”

“Funny,” I smiled.  “I like to lie in bed as I’m waking up in the morning and consciously examine my thoughts.  Having the earplugs cancels out any outside noise and allows me to really hear my own inner dialogue.”

“But you can also hear your own heart beating… it makes me feel claustrophobic!” she countered.  “It’s just too much for me and it freaks me out.”

I was chuckling to myself, recalling the exchange when I came across this quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson:

“There are voices which we hear in solitude, but they grow faint and inaudible as we enter the world.”  

 Ralph’s eloquence put so succinctly exactly what I was trying to express to my nephew’s girlfriend.

It’s in those quiet morning hours that the gauze veil separates ever so slightly before clarity is once again obscured by all the mundane thoughts that crowd out the important.  That brief glimpse of the significant is enough to fuel my day and give me direction.  For through it, I am immediately connected to my inner sanctum.  More than that, I am grounded in what really matters.

As my hurried life gets busier and busier, it’s imperative that I take those few precious moments in the morning to center myself.

My inner life, like a garden, bears bounty with tending. Just as I wouldn’t expect to get much from a garden that is only sporadically weeded or watered, when I allow life’s busyness to crowd out my time of solitude, I can’t expect to be at my best. And sometimes, my garden needs a major overhaul. There have been times when it appeared to be more like an overgrown field than a garden…when the weeds have taken over and are, themselves, parched and turning brown. It is a garden that needs a lot of work indeed!  Knowing the exhilaration of what it can and has looked like gives me the courage to dive into the weeds and start pulling, reshaping, watering and transplanting.

It is all worth it in the end, aching back, sore knees, dirt under the broken fingernails and all!

~Zanne

InSearchOfAuthenticity.com

© 2019 Zanne

I love having fun!  I love spending time with family and friends! I love making memories! There are so many fun options this time of year that it’s easy to overcommit.  If there’s one thing I’ve discovered over the years, however, is that less truly is more!  I find that even fun things, when there are too many of them, can become devoid of fun, or even worse, stressful.

Until more recently than I care to admit, I have viewed each event on it’s own merit, without asking myself how it fit into the entire picture. If it sounded like fun and the space on my calendar was free, I would automatically agree to it.  The result was that I found myself rushing from one event to another without the necessary breathing room between them to fully appreciate each one.  There was no time to recharge and renew myself or to even ponder conversations I had just had.  I was on to the next…

And that, my friends, is how I would get to the actual Holiday, totally depleted of energy, let alone, the joy I was expecting to experience.  It vanished with exhaustion taking its place. It left me looking forward to the beloved holiday being over.  How could something that I looked forward to and enjoyed so much have become such a burden?!

Is it possible to be intentional about the upcoming Holiday Season?  Or must I get caught up, once again, in a whirlwind of festive activities?  Breaking old habits and creating new ones can be challenging!

As I sit, in the quiet dawn of a new day, post-Thanksgiving, I ask myself, “How will I make this one different, more meaningful, less stressful? How do I become more present not only to each event but to each exchange I am a part of?”

For me, this means not being rushed or stressed and being able to savor the moment(s); it’s sitting in front of the Christmas tree, twinkling with little lights in the quiet, feeling enveloped in love, taking the time to enjoy the memories that produced those feelings of warmth to begin with.

This certainly will mean limiting the number of events, saying ‘no’ when I’m so tempted to say yes.  It’s not overcrowding my calendar by taking the time to pause… to be thoughtful in considering which to attend and which to pass up on.

What it boils down to is not the number of festivities I take part in that will bring me Holiday Joy, but rather, how I show up.  Ultimately, inner harmony trumps festive activities every time!

~Zanne

InSearchOfAuthenticity.com

© 2018 Zanne